ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
