I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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