don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
