he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
