Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
