...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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