hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
