It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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