i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
