this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
