All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
