oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
