Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
