I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
