He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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