those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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