Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
