I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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