i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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