I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
