i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My bed is full of blood and feathers
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
this is an emotional support booty call
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
