i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
