turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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