so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
