im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize