I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
