she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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