The maid of honor just puked.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drake has all the answers
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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