He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
