A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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