Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize