So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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