If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
