When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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