I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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