Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
