There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sarcasm needs its own font
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
