I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
