hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
someone owes me an orgasm
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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