i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
