MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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