Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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