Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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