i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
