That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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