god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
