I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
