ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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