i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
