4 words: hood of his car
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
