It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
