Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
