they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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