I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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