stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
