I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
