I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
