I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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