Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
