I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
