I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
