currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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