Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
