watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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