this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize