we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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