Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
