So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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